its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Be still, my beating vagina.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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