dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
