May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
