How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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