my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
