I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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