true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
