I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
