What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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