I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
