member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
