also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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