someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
