I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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