i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
