it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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