Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
