Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
