I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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