How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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