You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
