didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
