Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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