oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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