we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
