she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
