oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
