Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
