oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
