I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
