I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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