man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
