I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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