Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
