Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
