if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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