youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
