im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
