My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
