all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
