We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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