i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
