I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
