i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
