I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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