So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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