Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
