i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
