I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
