Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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