I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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