I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
